My kid caught me having sex - now what?

Talking to your kids about sex can feel awkward but having your kids catch you in the act is cringe-worthy. But the reality is your kids might walk you in while you're having sex. Maybe you forgot to lock the door, or are on vacation where locks don’t exist.  At the moment, questions might run through your kids' minds like - Why are you naked? What are you doing? And to be frank, not all of us can come up with a clever response at the moment. 


The Moment Your Kids Caught You Having Sex

Your first instinct when your kids walk on to you is to stop what you're doing and put on your clothes. Take a moment to remain calm and compose yourself. Don't assume that your kids saw everything. How to explain this scenario depends on the kids' age and what they actually saw. 

If your kids ask "what are you doing?" You can say that mom and dad need some alone time or are having a special time together 

Explaining After the Incident

The best time to explain is the day after the incident. And before you broach the topic, ask your kids what they saw and invite questions about what has happened. This will help you gauge their knowledge about sex and how you respond with an explanation.

  • If your kid is 4 years and below, they may be too young to recognize what they saw or they might just wonder if someone was hurt. So you need to assure them that everything is okay.

  • If your kid is older than 5 years, this is where you should start explaining what they saw. You can share that parents show their affection in a special way with each other. Kids at these ages are curious and might have questions about sex. Yoni Magic: Beyond the Birds and the Bees is a great book that introduces this subject in an age-appropriate way.

Don’t Pretend!

Don’t pretend nothing happened because this can stigmatize sex and confuse your kids. It might leave an impression that sex is shameful. Not giving them correct information may leave them confused and thus, they may look for answers elsewhere. With the proliferation of online porn, we as parents need to guide our kids and keep them safe. 

Tips for Parents on how to not get caught

Aside from installing a lock for your bedroom door, the best thing to do to prevent being caught having sex is to sit down with your kids from an early age and talk about privacy and boundaries. Teach your kids to knock on your door and get permission before entering. 

Getting caught in the act is indeed embarrassing but it's best to have a conversation with your kids. Don't feel guilty or avoid the topic because your kids may conclude that sex is shameful. 

If you haven't talked to your kids about the importance of sex education, then this is a perfect time. The entire 10-book Yoni Magic series can help you provide your kids with early, accurate sex ed while making these conversations easier & fun.