Are you ready to talk about the M Word?
Dear My Little Yoni,
? I worry about sharing this information with her too early! I can tell she has become more curious about her body, but I don't know if she's ready for that . Really, I don't know if I'm READY for this talk!" - Georgia, 41
First off, take a breath mama! I promise no matter how you think the goes; your daughter will be better off for having it. Secondly, every makes their own decision about when to have this . For some, it's when begins, for others they don't have it at all! So, give yourself a pat on the back for grappling with something that isn't easy. Talking to your about self-pleasure isn't simple, especially when your is female. Oftentimes, parents themselves never had a about the natural behavior of self-pleasure! But the fact of the matter is " is developmentally normal for ."
Is it early to talked about The 'M' Word?
Whether you choose to have the or not, let it be known that it's still happening. The main difference: will it be in the context of openness and honesty, or will it be shrouded in and hiding?
I'm not suggesting bombard your kids with information on a to pleasure and their body. before they're ready for it, but to instead plant this idea: "it's natural to explore your in the privacy of your own room." If you see your daughter rubbing her manually or on objects, don't freak out! Oftentimes, the immediate reaction is to stop them and tell them the behavior is inappropriate. But this will inevitably give your the idea that is inappropriate behavior, and shrouded in altogether, which simply isn't true. Instead, see it as an opportunity to have an honest about what's appropriate. Try saying, "Your body is YOURS, and you can touch your yoni in your own private space." Setting the boundaries early on and not condemning the activity altogether will allow your to have
It's important to distinguish the difference between pleasure and sex.
When touch their , it's not because they feel sexual, it's because they feel pleasure. All they know about this activity is that it feels good. is natural, and therefore self-pleasure is natural.
If you worry that a to typically engage in partnered later in life. Furthermore, they have an easier time communicating their needs to partners if they do decide to become sexually active. However, when girls are left in the dark, it's much more common for them to accept being treated as sexual objects and tolerate painful sexual experiences. will lead to earlier , know that these fears are unfounded and inaccurate. In fact, girls who have
How can you expect them to speak up when they don't know the difference or have the language to speak about it? But if girls have a direct with their own vulvas and pleasure, they are more likely to have a voice and more choice when it comes to partnered sexual relationships later in life. If your needs more explanation than, "this is your yoni, you can touch it in your own private space," and has more questions about arousal, then you might need to explain the idea of pleasure and to them. Explaining to them accurately how their body reacts to arousal, stimulation, and satisfaction will ultimately let them know that this is normal, and everyone's bodies have these natural reactions. Often, when parents begin these conversations, they can feel uncomfortable and don't know where to start. Try being open and honest with them about your own experiences, this lets your know they aren't alone. If your still has more questions, just try to give them honest and accurate information as best as you can. Luckily, My Little Yoni has tons of resources for parents, including our new Yoni Magic: What's the 'M' Word? Use this as a resource, and know that you are giving your accurate and OBGYN approved information.
Talking to your about and self-pleasure is an important talk, but not an easy one!
You have to discern when your the will be ongoing. Your may be satisfied with you saying "this is your yoni, you can explore it and touch it in your own private space," or they may be ready to talk about arousal and sexual desire. It all depends on your 's development. Try rehearsing these talks to ensure you're ready to discuss self-pleasure whenever your is. If you still walk away from this column thinking, "I still have no idea what to say!" take a look at our latest book, is ready, what information to give them, and keep it all positive and affirming. I want to remind you that with this topic, like most , Yoni Magic: What's the 'M' Word?. It's part of our comprehensive book series, and it covers everything from what pleasure is, , to arousal, to how to self-pleasure. You and your can read it and discuss what you've both learned together. Once again, don't stress , you got this!