- December 2019
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It’s fair to say that the rise of the patriarchy depended on controlling women’s sexual freedom. Specifically women’s freedom to choose; freedom to choose sex and love partners (how many, how often), freedom to choose reproduction, as well as freedom to choose where to wield our leadership as the species’ life givers according to our innate, embodied-power. This leadership and freedom of choice, gradually (or in some instances suddenly) became stripped from women, who were domesticated alongside barn animals. No really. Look at the 10th commandment: “You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” — Exodus 20:17.
While it’s difficult to pinpoint the exact timing of patriarchy becoming the dominant power structure, many scholars would say the process began roughly 6,000 years ago (and continues to this day). Evidence of women’s subordination under patriarchy can be traced back in the Ancient Near East to 3100BCE, with control of women’s reproductive rights and being left out of "the process of representing or the construction of history."
From what I can see, one of the main mechanisms in establishing the patriarchy involved stripping women of receiving pleasure.
Women must be “givers.” Those who actively receive, especially pleasure, are likely seen as whores, sluts, or simply just the women you don’t want to marry. Think about it: how many women are conditioned to self-identify as “givers” (and be proud of it!), yet feel guilty about receiving pleasure or taking care of their own needs? But as receivers of pleasure, including carnal, reproductive pleasure, do women not give the greatest gift of Life, naturally, simply through the design of being a Woman? Is it true that we must be cut off from receiving pleasure in order to give as a mother, as a good woman of “integrity”? I would say this is one of the greatest tricks ever played on woman, and all people of modern humanity. For anyone — man, child, or especially woman — to believe she is getting a good deal when she is cut off from her own pleasure center, her natural impulse to self-nurture first (as a life-giving tree would), her own intuitive guidance system, and her own direct communication with the rhythms of the earth, has been thoroughly duped.
Well, this situation’s been broken for far too long, and it’s time for a change.
Enter the Sexually Sovereign Woman.
The Sexually Sovereign Woman is one who has, and actively continues to, liberate herself on all levels, celebrating pleasure and cleansing shame, fear, guilt, and control from her system.
She dismantles allegiances to external power structures (or inner beliefs) that would seek to control her pleasure, consciousness, and vagina.
The Sexually Sovereign Woman dismantles false beliefs (such as placing security outside of herself) that would have her use her sexuality to manipulate, control, or cause harm in any way. She offers her sexual freedom as a gift according to her desire and meets her own needs from a place of integrity, responsibility, and self-love.
As the founder of My Little Yoni, my work largely centers on Vagina Pride! (aka women’s sexuality, creativity, intuition, and embodied leadership), and how women’s empowerment is the key to transforming outdated larger social and economic structures that currently are destroying the viability of thriving life for future generations. Yes — that was a mouthful. But what I’ve seen over and over, switching between the micro-level of working one on one with women, and interfacing with larger political and business groups looking to bring about systemic global change — is that sexuality, and specifically women’s sexuality, is the hot topic, and in the latter environment it is usually too hot to directly address.
Witnessing the personal transformation a woman experiences and the richness of life that’s unlocked when she finally feels safe enough to embody the fullness of her sensual nature inspires way beyond the erotic.
I see her feeling fundamentally more beautiful, free, inspired, creative, confident, and able to be in service. Why these multi-layered shifts? It’s because a woman’s sexuality is a doorway to the entire woman. New Science is even showing that a woman’s vagina and brain are part of the same neural network. Not only is it impossible to remove a woman’s consciousness, sense of self, creative impulse, and connection to the world around her, from her vagina—it turns out that each woman’s pelvic neural wiring, affecting how and where she has orgasms, is completely unique. It’s not just about having orgasms, it’s about transforming the fear that’s been keeping her timid and demure, uncovering new pathways of loving herself, including (and often beginning with) making love to herself.
Sexuality. Specifically, women’s sexuality.
A subject that not only is avoided, but actually creates contraction and whispers of discomfort, fear, and judgment simply by having embodied, Sexually Sovereign women present in the room -- which is why for the better part of history, they have been cast out of circles of influence, unless of course they are present merely to delight, titillate, or somehow play into the power structure at hand. Still, being invited to the party but not allowed to dance, shows me how far we still have to go.
So what’s the Sexually Sovereign Woman to do? Retreat away from the world of influence preemptively, before she’s blatantly kicked out? Is she to shut off her radiance and contort herself into fitting a system that was never created to benefit her in the first place? Should she cause raucous and riot in the streets, just to prove a point about the injustices created daily by a dominant culture that squelches Beauty, denies pleasure, and scoffs at radiance?
Yet rather than living from a place of reaction or contraction— sexually free women have a unique opportunity (and responsibility) to build bridges of change.
By living from our sovereignty and being uncompromising in our radiance we create pathways of inspiration, shifting the current dominant paradigm towards being more receptive and trusting of this energy we’ve learned to trust within ourselves. Thus arises a delicate balance in refining how to be true, fully claiming who we are in the world, while simultaneously being aware and adaptable to the environments we enter, so that we can actually inspire others to take a step forward out of fear and into Love—rather than creating ripples of alienation for those who can’t relate to us.
We must be able to determine: where do we value change enough to do the heavy lifting in building a bridge to understanding, past others’ judgments, back into the heart of connection vs. where are we simply going to show up as we are, however we want, regardless of the stir it may cause? And in the instance of bridge building, we must connect with those around us empathetically, feeling their unspoken fears as we wrap them simply in the love of our presence, without compromising the core of who we are. A core that is already free.
While we are the change we want to see in the world — it’s important to recognize that many folks calling forth global change are still firmly ignoring the importance of healing sexuality on the planet — and that’s why it is the Sexually Sovereign Woman’s role to, as gracefully as possible, inspire revolution and transform the patriarchy.
This is only the beginning of the conversation… A conversation that begins with you and the choices you make each day as a woman remembering your power and intrinsic worth. A woman who reclaims your womb as YOUR OWN. A women who takes full responsibility for every choice, choosing more each day to serve life, beginning with your own joy and radiance. As the trees drink sunlight, so may you drink the power of your own pleasure and utilize the creative energy that lives in you. The more at home you are residing within the vibrating cells of your body, the more you will be welcomed into communities and relationships that celebrate your radiance. If nothing else, remember how many choices you truly have. It is your choice what kind of world you shape as a modern woman of intelligence and independence. And I sincerely hope for your freedom & sovereignty to be central to the choices you make.
“…But the Bridge was not broken… And She rebuilt. Not in a day, but over generations of women, daughters and sisters, lovers, mothers (and the men who loved them), aunties and grandmothers, who were willing to burn in the passion of true Liberation.”
 “Patriarchy.” Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia. Wikimedia Foundation, Inc., Last updated (13 March 2016) Web. Date accessed (15 March 2016). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patriarchy
 Strozier, Robert M. Foucault, Subjectivity, and Identity: Historical Constructions of Subject and Self. Detroit: Wayne State, 2002. p.46
 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York: HarperCollins, 2012. p.3, p.18